Well, she had to spend two nights in the hospital, but we are finally home.
Here is what I wrote about it on my blog:
Well, it is a good thing I love my new little nugget because I am going to have to give my vacation fund to the local hospital to pay for the two nights that McKenna just stayed there.
She got a fever on Sunday, and we were off to the ER. Poor thing was moaning and groaning like an old man with a hernia. She didn't want to be touched or moved, and her little face was all scrunched and angry. It broke my heart. Her fever was only 100.0 or so when we took her in, but we felt like it was cruel to let her lay there in plain like that. By the time we got to the ER, her fever was up to 101.5. That is serious yikes territory for a three week old. We were glad we chose to go, but they really put her through the ringer with tests to make sure she did not have a bacterial infection that could be fatal if untreated. Everything was negative. If something small had been positive, we could have come home a long time ago. But with no answers, they just kept looking for infections and treating her for the worst case scenario.
It was a rough few days. I'm very sleepy. And I feel like I need to get to know my baby all over again. I didn't get to hold and cuddle her very much while she was all hooked up to the machines, and she almost never nursed. Cuddling with the breast pump just is not as bonding. I also have a lot of laundry to do because I want to deep clean everything that went to the hospital. Also, the cookies I made before we left on Sunday are gone. Who ate them?
I did have to regulate a little on the hospital staff. There were a few times when McKenna's oxygen levels dropped into dangerous territory, and NO ONE was watching her monitors. Well, I was ... but they don't pay me ... I pay them. She was on oxygen for a few hours last night, and then when her levels dropped again this morning, the nurse didn't even know she'd been on oxygen the night before. Ah, hello? Could someone read my babies chart, please? So, of course, I filed a very kind and well-stated complaint with the hospital. I also made it clear that I will not be paying for any nursing care that I had to ask for more than once. Kill them with kindness, my mom always said. Oh, I plan to.
Quinn has been passed from friend to family and back again since Sunday. I've only seen her for about one hour a day. She's acting all funny again, so it might take a few days for her to go back to normal too. I guess that's life. I was really surprised though because when I was hanging out with her for a few minutes yesterday, she seemed to know exactly what was going on.
"Where's mommy been? " "With Kenna"
"Who is coming over next?" "Paige and Breee dget (Bridget)"
"Why does mommy have to stay with Kenna?" "Ummmmm Sick"
She also told me today in the car that her new baby doll is "pretty."
So, that is what has been happening to us. Tim and I decided that things like this only have to be as dramatic as we want them to be. There is nothing enately dramatic about the hospital. People just make it a big deal. We just did what we had to do to make sure our Kenna was OK. There were a few moments that I was scared. I did start swearing when her oxygen levels dropped this morning, but for the most part we just rolled with it. My favorite nurse, Janice, said I was one of the calmest and most relaxed mom's she'd ever had with a baby patient. Yeah for me and yeah for our family. We'll all be back home together in a few hours.
Post Script: I was also really proud of my husband on Sunday night. After he went home to get some rest, he called to say he was coming back to give McKenna a priesthood blessing. This is a special and important thing we do in our church, and one time to do it is when someone is sick. We don't use Tim's priesthood nearly enough in our house. It is both of our faults. I never ask. So, I was really proud when he took the initiative to come back and bless the baby. And I loved hearing his blessing because it didn't sound like him. It sounded like someone who was being truly inspired. The words were not words he would normally choose. I more thoughts about it, but they are just for me. :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
First Fever
Well, my angel has her first fever.
100.0 F
She's pretty sad. I'm waiting for Tim to track down the doctor at church to find out what to do.
She woke up whimpering in pain. A few people asked me how I know she's in pain: "'Cause I'm her mama and I know!"
She's not eating much. She winced in pain. She's hot. She looks sad. Poor thing.
A sick newborn is so sad and so scary.
She's sleeping now, but wakes up every few minutes with a whimper or whale and goes back to sleep.
:(
100.0 F
She's pretty sad. I'm waiting for Tim to track down the doctor at church to find out what to do.
She woke up whimpering in pain. A few people asked me how I know she's in pain: "'Cause I'm her mama and I know!"
She's not eating much. She winced in pain. She's hot. She looks sad. Poor thing.
A sick newborn is so sad and so scary.
She's sleeping now, but wakes up every few minutes with a whimper or whale and goes back to sleep.
:(
Friday, June 26, 2009
Smiles
I know it seems crazy, but I feel like you are happier today. You seem to have a content look on your face, and I swear I see some smiles. Normally your big smiles are followed by some big toots or poops, but these seem to just be smiles for smiles sake. I cuddled you for an hour this morning on the couch with Quinn. We all snuggled and sang "The wheels on the bus." I loved it.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
An Afternoon with Daddy
I left you with Daddy for a few hours today so I could take Quinn on a pony ride at the farm. I didn't worry too much, but I was pretty sure Bob did not listen to my instructions. Turns out I was a little right because he never changed your diaper, and your arms kept popping out of your swaddle. I think it was just a misunderstanding. You're not all messed up though. You ate beautifully when I got home, and I haven't heard a peep in almost 3 hours. I saw an 8 week old at the farm, and it made me miss you. I want to have you with me all the time, but that is not always what is best for you. I'm pretty sure you loved your time with daddy ... even the rough patches. Remember when you're a mom that if you don't leave your newborn with your husband in the first few weeks at least once, you sort of lose the window, and he'll be nervous around the babies till they're 5. Plus, it was so freakin' hot today! You deserved to spend the day in your air conditioned bed ... even if I missed out on bragging rights. I'm excited to show you off to Heather tomorrow.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Blow out; No Pictures
For the sake of posterity I wanted to mention that you had your first blow out diaper today. I was thinking we were in the clear. Not so much. Now things are really getting fun.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Spit up and burping
I finally saw some spit up. It was just in your mouth, but it was there.
You also have started to really need to be burped. You get yucky bubbles, but we work it out.
You also have started to really need to be burped. You get yucky bubbles, but we work it out.
Babysitter and Sleep training
Today you had your first babysitter, McKenna!
I took you to Heidi Edward's house while I went to the Chiropractor. You did great. When I rolled up to come get you and Quinn, you were sleeping soundly with Heidi in a baby sling. I was so proud of you and so grateful for Heidi. And I'm also pretty proud of myself for not being a crazy mom who can't do anything on her own.
You also put yourself to sleep for the first time this morning. Again, I was so proud!!! I have decide to use the Babywise system and teach you early to fall asleep on your own. I hope this is a skill that brings you much happiness, my love!
I took you to Heidi Edward's house while I went to the Chiropractor. You did great. When I rolled up to come get you and Quinn, you were sleeping soundly with Heidi in a baby sling. I was so proud of you and so grateful for Heidi. And I'm also pretty proud of myself for not being a crazy mom who can't do anything on her own.
You also put yourself to sleep for the first time this morning. Again, I was so proud!!! I have decide to use the Babywise system and teach you early to fall asleep on your own. I hope this is a skill that brings you much happiness, my love!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Learning Her Ropes and Ready for Church
My Quinn was an odd baby. She didn't cry much, and I never once had to rock her to sleep. She ate, she stayed awake, and when she said "boo-hoo," I put her in her bed, and she went to sleep. When she woke up, she ate again and it started over. Naps were long. Feedings were awake. It all happen every 3 hours like clock work. When we were in Arizona, she slept 5 hours at a time.
McKenna is normal. She is on no schedule. She needs to be rocked to sleep. She gets pissed. She has bad days and good days. She has different kind of cries for different problems. A hungry cry, a tired try, an "I'm trying to poop" cry.
There is nothing wrong with a normal baby ... unless your first baby was not normal. If your first baby was a freak like mine, then you constantly think there is something wrong with your new baby. You complain that your arms hurt from rocking and your voice hurts from "Shhhhhh" ing or singing in their sweet little awake ears. You get eye strain from staring at their eyelids in a dim room to see if they are closed. You have to get way more creative than you would want to in order to get them to not sleep during mealtime -- dress and undress them, unneeded baths, tickling their feet, opening their eyes, generally messing with them ... wet willy, anyone?
So I guess she's normal, and I am learning and figuring it all out. She has a specific cry for "feed me, you jerk. I don't care when the book says I should eat. I'm hungry now." She almost always passes gas and other treats if you lay her on the ground or couch all by herself in between sides of a feeding. I do this to wake her up, but it is also a dead ringer for filling a diaper. And she has a whiny cry for when she is done being awake and ready for a nap.
So far she always needs to be swaddled in order to sleep longer than 5 minutes. She has to be completely asleep when I put her in her bed, and she hasn't had a successful nap on her side yet. She likes shushing noising, but they have to come from me and not a sound machine. She likes to be sung too, but never with the songs that Quinn liked. McKenna seems to love the song, "Love is spoken here," which is nice because I know all the words, and it is long enough that I don't feel like I am repeating myself every minute for 10 minutes. She also likes the song, "In this Very Room," however I do not know the words, so I kind of make them up. But the song is beautiful and makes me a bit weepy. I love singing to my angel. As long as I am not all tired and angry.
When she is awake, McKenna enjoys watching the birds on her swing, dancing with the monkeys on the mobile or just chilling out anywhere. But all of these things only last between 5 and 15 minutes. She loves the car, so that is not a good awake activity. She is out like a light, but I feel lucky for that. As long as a baby likes the car, you can never go wrong because if times gets tough, you can always take a drive.
Tomorrow marks the end of McKenna's second week. We are going to church for about an hour because it is Benny Purdie's baby blessing, and his parents are our best friends. It is kind of nice to do the church test run in a different ward in case it all falls apart. And the Purdie's were awesome to ask for special permission to blessing the baby on a second Sunday because we are blessing McKenna on the next first Sunday. Neither of us could bare missing the other's special event. Them's is some great friends.
McKenna is normal. She is on no schedule. She needs to be rocked to sleep. She gets pissed. She has bad days and good days. She has different kind of cries for different problems. A hungry cry, a tired try, an "I'm trying to poop" cry.
There is nothing wrong with a normal baby ... unless your first baby was not normal. If your first baby was a freak like mine, then you constantly think there is something wrong with your new baby. You complain that your arms hurt from rocking and your voice hurts from "Shhhhhh" ing or singing in their sweet little awake ears. You get eye strain from staring at their eyelids in a dim room to see if they are closed. You have to get way more creative than you would want to in order to get them to not sleep during mealtime -- dress and undress them, unneeded baths, tickling their feet, opening their eyes, generally messing with them ... wet willy, anyone?
So I guess she's normal, and I am learning and figuring it all out. She has a specific cry for "feed me, you jerk. I don't care when the book says I should eat. I'm hungry now." She almost always passes gas and other treats if you lay her on the ground or couch all by herself in between sides of a feeding. I do this to wake her up, but it is also a dead ringer for filling a diaper. And she has a whiny cry for when she is done being awake and ready for a nap.
So far she always needs to be swaddled in order to sleep longer than 5 minutes. She has to be completely asleep when I put her in her bed, and she hasn't had a successful nap on her side yet. She likes shushing noising, but they have to come from me and not a sound machine. She likes to be sung too, but never with the songs that Quinn liked. McKenna seems to love the song, "Love is spoken here," which is nice because I know all the words, and it is long enough that I don't feel like I am repeating myself every minute for 10 minutes. She also likes the song, "In this Very Room," however I do not know the words, so I kind of make them up. But the song is beautiful and makes me a bit weepy. I love singing to my angel. As long as I am not all tired and angry.
When she is awake, McKenna enjoys watching the birds on her swing, dancing with the monkeys on the mobile or just chilling out anywhere. But all of these things only last between 5 and 15 minutes. She loves the car, so that is not a good awake activity. She is out like a light, but I feel lucky for that. As long as a baby likes the car, you can never go wrong because if times gets tough, you can always take a drive.
Tomorrow marks the end of McKenna's second week. We are going to church for about an hour because it is Benny Purdie's baby blessing, and his parents are our best friends. It is kind of nice to do the church test run in a different ward in case it all falls apart. And the Purdie's were awesome to ask for special permission to blessing the baby on a second Sunday because we are blessing McKenna on the next first Sunday. Neither of us could bare missing the other's special event. Them's is some great friends.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Our Family Now
(This a repeat post from owner of the band. sorry.)
Based on popular demand here are some pictures of our new angel
and our new family of 4.
and our new family of 4.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Daddy's Job
Walking out of the hospital was a really big deal with Quinn because she had just barely been released from the special care nursery. We had never held her without her being connected to wires and cords until a few minutes before we left the hospital. I remember walking behind Tim as he walked with Quinn in the car seat. It was a moment of victory. We had sprung her lose. She was coming home.
March 12, 2007
As we walked out with McKenna this week, the feeling was different but just as wonderful, and I couldn't help but snap this same picture.
June 10, 2009
March 12, 2007
As we walked out with McKenna this week, the feeling was different but just as wonderful, and I couldn't help but snap this same picture.
June 10, 2009
Perfect
We had a perfect night. McKenna woke up every 3 hours to eat. But just like I always say, even when it happens perfectly, having a newborn makes you sleepy. I probably spent as much time sleeping while she was nursing as she did ... which is why is takes FOREVER. The process was taking almost an hour, but now it is more like 30 minutes. I have to stop to wake her up sometimes, which adds to the time. But for the most part, she eats and sleeps during nighttime, which is perfect. She also likes to pee on me when I change her at night, which is good because it makes me pick out a new outfit. I am hessitent to change her clothes normally because she screams bloody murder. So I welcome the kick in my pants and the chance to try out new clothes.
She is started to keep those eyes open more and more. I love it. When she hangs out with us awake, I get the essense of Quinn coming from her even though they don't look exactly alike.
I just love babies.
It helps that mine are perfect.
She is started to keep those eyes open more and more. I love it. When she hangs out with us awake, I get the essense of Quinn coming from her even though they don't look exactly alike.
I just love babies.
It helps that mine are perfect.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
First Night
So, last night was perfectly tiring.
I have a very specific memory of bringing Quinn home as a newborn. She was perfect. Never cried. Ate on a schedule. Slept all the time. And yet, one night I just cried because I was so perfectly tired. I thought, "If this is the best it gets, how does anybody survive."
At least I had that warning this time around. There is no doubt about it ... you just can't get enough sleep. Luckily, this time around, I get this cool relaxed, drugged feeling when I nurse. It is almost a break ... a 1970's happy as clam break. I enjoy it, and it makes things better. I never got any of those psycho-emotional physical reactions last time. I like them.
And in standard Fellow fashion, McKenna did great last night. She ate from about 9:30 p.m. to 10:15 p.m. Then she woke up at midnight to eat again. She wasn't a fan of going back to sleep at that point, and so I called in for my reinforcements. Tim helped her and watched a show until 2 a.m. I decided that maybe she just needed more to eat since my milk was barely coming in. I fed her again, and she went straight to sleep. She ate at about 5 a.m. and 8:30 a.m.
I never heard from Quinn during the night, but that could have had everything to do with my amazing mother taking care of everything.
And then we also had a nice morning. Quinn is interacting really well with McKenna. She loves to set up her stool by the crib and watch her sleep or report to us what she is doing. She doesn't want to hold her a ton, but she loves to help ... most of the time. She has her own new baby doll with a hospital bracelet, and she likes to nurse and burp that while I nurse and burp McKenna.
Today I asked Quinn what used to be in my big tummy. She said, "Kenna." Then to test her, I asked, "Where is Kenna now?"
She thought about it.
"In her bed."
By George, I think she's got it.
I have a very specific memory of bringing Quinn home as a newborn. She was perfect. Never cried. Ate on a schedule. Slept all the time. And yet, one night I just cried because I was so perfectly tired. I thought, "If this is the best it gets, how does anybody survive."
At least I had that warning this time around. There is no doubt about it ... you just can't get enough sleep. Luckily, this time around, I get this cool relaxed, drugged feeling when I nurse. It is almost a break ... a 1970's happy as clam break. I enjoy it, and it makes things better. I never got any of those psycho-emotional physical reactions last time. I like them.
And in standard Fellow fashion, McKenna did great last night. She ate from about 9:30 p.m. to 10:15 p.m. Then she woke up at midnight to eat again. She wasn't a fan of going back to sleep at that point, and so I called in for my reinforcements. Tim helped her and watched a show until 2 a.m. I decided that maybe she just needed more to eat since my milk was barely coming in. I fed her again, and she went straight to sleep. She ate at about 5 a.m. and 8:30 a.m.
I never heard from Quinn during the night, but that could have had everything to do with my amazing mother taking care of everything.
And then we also had a nice morning. Quinn is interacting really well with McKenna. She loves to set up her stool by the crib and watch her sleep or report to us what she is doing. She doesn't want to hold her a ton, but she loves to help ... most of the time. She has her own new baby doll with a hospital bracelet, and she likes to nurse and burp that while I nurse and burp McKenna.
Today I asked Quinn what used to be in my big tummy. She said, "Kenna." Then to test her, I asked, "Where is Kenna now?"
She thought about it.
"In her bed."
By George, I think she's got it.
More Stitches
Oh dear!
I'm doing fine, but everyone else is all messed up. First, my mom came down with a mild cold. Second, McKenna's got that thing that turns you yellow.
AND THEN
My mom just cut her hand while making Santa Fe Stew. Tim just took her to the InstaCare to get stitches. I could describe the wound, but I apparently that is where I draw the line on gross things I blog about. Never thought we'd see this day. It was that gross.
Of course, my cute mom, is more concerned about being a pain to me than she is about the actual pain she feels. I told her I would finish making the stew while she was gone. Turns out I am not ready for that much work. We'll have to have pizza.
Ah, life back to normal.
Hugs and kisses for my mama.
I'm doing fine, but everyone else is all messed up. First, my mom came down with a mild cold. Second, McKenna's got that thing that turns you yellow.
AND THEN
My mom just cut her hand while making Santa Fe Stew. Tim just took her to the InstaCare to get stitches. I could describe the wound, but I apparently that is where I draw the line on gross things I blog about. Never thought we'd see this day. It was that gross.
Of course, my cute mom, is more concerned about being a pain to me than she is about the actual pain she feels. I told her I would finish making the stew while she was gone. Turns out I am not ready for that much work. We'll have to have pizza.
Ah, life back to normal.
Hugs and kisses for my mama.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
12 Hours into this New Parenthood
So, we are 12 hours into new parenthood and loving it. I do not love the crazy pain or the slow nurses, but I love my angel. And I LOVE spending this time with Tim.
McKenna seems to have a quiet voice and a big appetite, just like Tim. (Quinn has a loud voice and a big appetite ... like me!) She has thick black hair, just the way I ordered her. You know, it takes us a long time to get the babies we pray for, but when they get here, they are just perfectly how we ordered them.
McKenna nurses perfectly, and it is like riding a bike for me, I guess. No problems with the equipment yet. It is really different to have our angel in the room with us. Quinn was in a Level 2 nursury hooked up to wires the entire time we were in the hospital. We couldn't really do anything with her without asking permission, and it was hard to nurse away from a soft, safe space. Yesterday, Tim and I looked at each other, and kind of wondered, "Ok, what so we do with her now." We just were not used to the fun and freedom or unwrapping her, playing with her, and soaking her all in.
A lot of this experience is different. Tim just mentioned to me that he got to cut the cord after she came out. So cool. That was not an option last time. AND this time we caught her too. Our midwife was really cool to suggest that and make it happen. When the head came out, the midwife unwrapped the cord from her neck, which was wrapped around twice, and then Tim pulled the rest of her out and put her on my tummy. It was a shock to get to hold her so soon. She gave out one good cry, and then they took her to clean her lungs, since she had some of the same problems Quinn did. Everyone was taking pictures like paporatizi. It was great. Mom was mad that she didn't have her giant camera because she had just stopped by to say hi when I started pushing. I think there is some serious video of the actually action if anyone wants to see it. There is also a beautiful 30 second video of her being handed to me after her lungs got cleared out. I love it. I'll try to post it here.
Pushing was a lot different this time too. For those who don't know ... (and everybody knows because these are some serious bragging rights) .... I pushed for 4 hours to get Quinn out. I think I just basically sucked at it. So, I was really nervous to start that part of the process this time. My nurse came it to check me at about 4 p.m. She said I was about an 8, but with signs that things were moving quietly. Abby, the midwife, came in a few minutes later. She said, "Ok, you're an 8. That't great. Now let me know if you feel X, Y and Z." I can't remember the details, but one part was something about feeling the pressure build until it feels like you have to make a bowel movement. After that we asked Lizza and questions, and Lizza started telling us more about her home birth. About halfway through Lizza's story, I thought, "It's go time. That is pressure building and something coming out of my bum."
When Lizza was done, I said, "Remember those things you said about the pressure? I've got that." Abby just kind of laughed. "Well, we just checked you, so let's give it about a half hour." "Ok," I said. "But I feel those things. No joke." She was sceptical, but check me. "You're right. It's time."
So, this is when I kind of started to freak out. I was really nervous to start pushing this time around. Lots of bad memories from round 1, I guess. But I had a great team. Everyone tried to pump me up and remind me of all the aspects of this labor that had already been so different. But I was still scared. Of course, I called Kristie. She gave me the same thoughts, and it start to sink in.
I had been feeling the pressure from a lot of my contractions for the previous 3 or 4 hours. I had not been pushing my button to get more drugs because I really wanted to feel the delivery so I could push better. I could feel the different right away. And it felt great to get encouraging words like, "Yes, just like that. That is perfect, Jill!" I didn't get a lot of that with round 1.
I had Bridget hold up one knee and Tim holding up another. Lindsay and Lizza were recording the momemt and soaking it all in. My mom was sort of in the background. "Mom, you ok. jump of up and get part of the action." Later, when it was Tim to catch, she took over Tim's leg job.
I could feel the pushing, and it worked a lot better. Then at one point, Abby tried to explain how I should be pushing less with my face and more with my tummy. I was really trying to understand. However, for a little while my pushing was not as good, and so Abby just laughed and said, "Go back to doing it the way you were (wrong). Whatever works. Those were really good pushed." So I went back to doing it wrong, and it worked like a charm.
(Right now, McKenna is laying on the Boppi on the bed with me. She has two bows in her hair. She's wrapped up in a white blanket with a beautiful quilt laying over her. She reminds me of a picture of Quinn that was one of my favorites. Quinn didn't look like that picture for very long. I wonder how McKenna will change.)
I loved feeling her come out of me. I loved having my team with me and sharing that very special moment with some of the most important women that have shared so much with me throughout my life. I'm so happy that my mom ending up making it for the birth. I just really loved the support and the feeling of her strength and motherhood that filled the room. Together in the room, we were 5 mothers and 1 father with 10 children among us. Tim and I both commented that the only missing links were Kristie and Avery. We love all the women and sisters in our life, but there is something out those two women that complete our family in those special moments. But my team did a great job for filling the void. And Abby nor my nurse never said a word about how full the room was. They just totally embrassed it. That is just one of the many reasons I stick to a midwife. (The doctor I say for one visit at the start of this pregnancy didn't even one Quinn in the exam room ... no thanks.) Abby was a rockstart. I felt so encouraged and supported. Lindsay even said when it was over that it all made her want to have another baby just so she could have Abby there.
Everyone left pretty soon after the birth. I had time to nurse (which as I said came flooding back to my memory), and we just hung out with McKenna. I have a lot of emotions about this little one, and they do not all make sense to me yet. One of my first thoughts, which is think was really natural, was that she is not Quinn. I am only used to one baby, and I don't feel like it has to be an automatic instinct to know exactly how to feel. I am going to give myself time and space so that my feelings are real and genuine.
But really and genuinely, I do love this little lady more every minute. I miss Quinn, and I am still not sure how it will feel to be home or to be a family of 4 or to split my love and loyalities, but it is working itself out.
Melissa Jones was McKenna's first visitor. She came and sat with me while Tim went to get us dinner. Again, I am so grateful for good friends. We women love to relive every details, and there is nothing better than reliving it with another woman. She held and love McKenna and even sent pics to friends of hers that don't even know me. What could make a mama more proud of her beauty Queen.
After Melissa left, the pain started to kick in and I jumped back ont he drug train. The cramps are worse than the contractions that motivated me to get an epidual!! Dear me. Plus, there is a lot going on with my bladder, my stitches, my legs. I still do not have all the feeling back in my left leg. Weird. So that means I still need help to go to the ladies' room. My cute husband is a huge help. We practically carries me.
We finally went to sleep and got about 5 hours. It was amazing to sleep on my back. I loved it. I remember waking up at 4:50 a.m. and thinking, "I should feed my baby. But that will hurt. I should just lay here. I ddn't feed Quinn the first night. I'll just lay here. It is going to hurt. I'll just lay here." Just then the CNA came in with McKenna. No escape! I got my drugs. Fed my angel, and here we go starting her first full day.
There is always more to say, so I will be back.
McKenna seems to have a quiet voice and a big appetite, just like Tim. (Quinn has a loud voice and a big appetite ... like me!) She has thick black hair, just the way I ordered her. You know, it takes us a long time to get the babies we pray for, but when they get here, they are just perfectly how we ordered them.
McKenna nurses perfectly, and it is like riding a bike for me, I guess. No problems with the equipment yet. It is really different to have our angel in the room with us. Quinn was in a Level 2 nursury hooked up to wires the entire time we were in the hospital. We couldn't really do anything with her without asking permission, and it was hard to nurse away from a soft, safe space. Yesterday, Tim and I looked at each other, and kind of wondered, "Ok, what so we do with her now." We just were not used to the fun and freedom or unwrapping her, playing with her, and soaking her all in.
A lot of this experience is different. Tim just mentioned to me that he got to cut the cord after she came out. So cool. That was not an option last time. AND this time we caught her too. Our midwife was really cool to suggest that and make it happen. When the head came out, the midwife unwrapped the cord from her neck, which was wrapped around twice, and then Tim pulled the rest of her out and put her on my tummy. It was a shock to get to hold her so soon. She gave out one good cry, and then they took her to clean her lungs, since she had some of the same problems Quinn did. Everyone was taking pictures like paporatizi. It was great. Mom was mad that she didn't have her giant camera because she had just stopped by to say hi when I started pushing. I think there is some serious video of the actually action if anyone wants to see it. There is also a beautiful 30 second video of her being handed to me after her lungs got cleared out. I love it. I'll try to post it here.
Pushing was a lot different this time too. For those who don't know ... (and everybody knows because these are some serious bragging rights) .... I pushed for 4 hours to get Quinn out. I think I just basically sucked at it. So, I was really nervous to start that part of the process this time. My nurse came it to check me at about 4 p.m. She said I was about an 8, but with signs that things were moving quietly. Abby, the midwife, came in a few minutes later. She said, "Ok, you're an 8. That't great. Now let me know if you feel X, Y and Z." I can't remember the details, but one part was something about feeling the pressure build until it feels like you have to make a bowel movement. After that we asked Lizza and questions, and Lizza started telling us more about her home birth. About halfway through Lizza's story, I thought, "It's go time. That is pressure building and something coming out of my bum."
When Lizza was done, I said, "Remember those things you said about the pressure? I've got that." Abby just kind of laughed. "Well, we just checked you, so let's give it about a half hour." "Ok," I said. "But I feel those things. No joke." She was sceptical, but check me. "You're right. It's time."
So, this is when I kind of started to freak out. I was really nervous to start pushing this time around. Lots of bad memories from round 1, I guess. But I had a great team. Everyone tried to pump me up and remind me of all the aspects of this labor that had already been so different. But I was still scared. Of course, I called Kristie. She gave me the same thoughts, and it start to sink in.
I had been feeling the pressure from a lot of my contractions for the previous 3 or 4 hours. I had not been pushing my button to get more drugs because I really wanted to feel the delivery so I could push better. I could feel the different right away. And it felt great to get encouraging words like, "Yes, just like that. That is perfect, Jill!" I didn't get a lot of that with round 1.
I had Bridget hold up one knee and Tim holding up another. Lindsay and Lizza were recording the momemt and soaking it all in. My mom was sort of in the background. "Mom, you ok. jump of up and get part of the action." Later, when it was Tim to catch, she took over Tim's leg job.
I could feel the pushing, and it worked a lot better. Then at one point, Abby tried to explain how I should be pushing less with my face and more with my tummy. I was really trying to understand. However, for a little while my pushing was not as good, and so Abby just laughed and said, "Go back to doing it the way you were (wrong). Whatever works. Those were really good pushed." So I went back to doing it wrong, and it worked like a charm.
(Right now, McKenna is laying on the Boppi on the bed with me. She has two bows in her hair. She's wrapped up in a white blanket with a beautiful quilt laying over her. She reminds me of a picture of Quinn that was one of my favorites. Quinn didn't look like that picture for very long. I wonder how McKenna will change.)
I loved feeling her come out of me. I loved having my team with me and sharing that very special moment with some of the most important women that have shared so much with me throughout my life. I'm so happy that my mom ending up making it for the birth. I just really loved the support and the feeling of her strength and motherhood that filled the room. Together in the room, we were 5 mothers and 1 father with 10 children among us. Tim and I both commented that the only missing links were Kristie and Avery. We love all the women and sisters in our life, but there is something out those two women that complete our family in those special moments. But my team did a great job for filling the void. And Abby nor my nurse never said a word about how full the room was. They just totally embrassed it. That is just one of the many reasons I stick to a midwife. (The doctor I say for one visit at the start of this pregnancy didn't even one Quinn in the exam room ... no thanks.) Abby was a rockstart. I felt so encouraged and supported. Lindsay even said when it was over that it all made her want to have another baby just so she could have Abby there.
Everyone left pretty soon after the birth. I had time to nurse (which as I said came flooding back to my memory), and we just hung out with McKenna. I have a lot of emotions about this little one, and they do not all make sense to me yet. One of my first thoughts, which is think was really natural, was that she is not Quinn. I am only used to one baby, and I don't feel like it has to be an automatic instinct to know exactly how to feel. I am going to give myself time and space so that my feelings are real and genuine.
But really and genuinely, I do love this little lady more every minute. I miss Quinn, and I am still not sure how it will feel to be home or to be a family of 4 or to split my love and loyalities, but it is working itself out.
Melissa Jones was McKenna's first visitor. She came and sat with me while Tim went to get us dinner. Again, I am so grateful for good friends. We women love to relive every details, and there is nothing better than reliving it with another woman. She held and love McKenna and even sent pics to friends of hers that don't even know me. What could make a mama more proud of her beauty Queen.
After Melissa left, the pain started to kick in and I jumped back ont he drug train. The cramps are worse than the contractions that motivated me to get an epidual!! Dear me. Plus, there is a lot going on with my bladder, my stitches, my legs. I still do not have all the feeling back in my left leg. Weird. So that means I still need help to go to the ladies' room. My cute husband is a huge help. We practically carries me.
We finally went to sleep and got about 5 hours. It was amazing to sleep on my back. I loved it. I remember waking up at 4:50 a.m. and thinking, "I should feed my baby. But that will hurt. I should just lay here. I ddn't feed Quinn the first night. I'll just lay here. It is going to hurt. I'll just lay here." Just then the CNA came in with McKenna. No escape! I got my drugs. Fed my angel, and here we go starting her first full day.
There is always more to say, so I will be back.
Monday, June 8, 2009
She's Here
Our angel is here. Avery McKenna Fellow. 4:56 p.m. 8 pounds 13 oz. She is beautiful! I feel really good. I couldn't have asked for a better experience. What a miracle!
McKenna is healthy and happy, but as suspected she is already more of a mover than baby Quinn. She nursed great within minutes, and then she just sat with Tim and I for awhile showing off her amazing thick, dark hair.
She just got back from her bath. She is sleeping peacefully. I am just texting the troops and waiting for the feeling in my left leg to come back.
Pictures to come.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Cleaning for you
Dear McKenna,
I just wanted you to know that my nesting instinct is stronger than ever. You did not get gypped.
I wake up with these compulsions to clean your room, move stuff, reorganized, wash, dry, fluff and fold.
I've run to Costco for no other reason than to buy batteries for your swing and mobile ... just to find out I had already bought them.
I refold the blankets in your bed several times a day, and I passionately try to keep Quinny out of your space. Your bed is made, and yesterday morning I had the urge to go get all the stuffed animals from down stairs and pick out a few for your crib. Although Quinn peed on me while I was doing this, I managed to I wash and fluffthem, and they are waiting for you.
I got the car seat out at the crack of dawn and scrubbed it clean. I threw the head rest in the wash, and it is all ready for you.
Your little diapers are ready and far more organized than Quinn's ever were.
You've got a new pair of shoes waiting for you that Grammy bought, and way to many new outfits for one 3-6 month old to ever wear. (You'll have to grow slowly please.)
I made room for all your clothes; I organized them by size and cutenesss at 5 a.m. one morning.
The rocker is ready for us, too. I can't wait to sit with you.
Your room will probably never be this clean again.
See you Monday.
Love,
Mommy
I just wanted you to know that my nesting instinct is stronger than ever. You did not get gypped.
I wake up with these compulsions to clean your room, move stuff, reorganized, wash, dry, fluff and fold.
I've run to Costco for no other reason than to buy batteries for your swing and mobile ... just to find out I had already bought them.
I refold the blankets in your bed several times a day, and I passionately try to keep Quinny out of your space. Your bed is made, and yesterday morning I had the urge to go get all the stuffed animals from down stairs and pick out a few for your crib. Although Quinn peed on me while I was doing this, I managed to I wash and fluffthem, and they are waiting for you.
I got the car seat out at the crack of dawn and scrubbed it clean. I threw the head rest in the wash, and it is all ready for you.
Your little diapers are ready and far more organized than Quinn's ever were.
You've got a new pair of shoes waiting for you that Grammy bought, and way to many new outfits for one 3-6 month old to ever wear. (You'll have to grow slowly please.)
I made room for all your clothes; I organized them by size and cutenesss at 5 a.m. one morning.
The rocker is ready for us, too. I can't wait to sit with you.
Your room will probably never be this clean again.
See you Monday.
Love,
Mommy
Friday, June 5, 2009
Guests at the Birth
Quinn's birth was a party. I had some of the most important people in my life in the room with me as Quinn was born. Tim, my mom, Kristie, Calli and my friend Emily, who was working in the room as a tech.
In my hardest moment, I leaned on these people, and they brought the kind of strength, spirit, peace and energy that I needed most. It was beautiful. And Kristie and I felt strongly that there was a powerful force and reason for 8-month-old Calli's presents in the room. Calli was Quinn's strength.
My mom will hopefully make it there for the birth, but since she will be on Quinn duty at home, there is a chance she will miss it.
My sister has two angels now, and is not as mobile. She and I cry about it all the time, but we are realistic about the fact that we will not always be able to be there. She will head to town when mom leaves.
So the birth party will be different this time, but I think it will be equally as powerful.
Tim will be in the main control seat, of course. I could not do it without him. And then I have asked two very special friends to be in the room with us. Lindsay Purdie and Lizza Nelson.
Lizza and I have been friends for almost 10 years. We met in Europe on a Study Abroad. We both were learning and growing a lot. We are not the same women we were when we met, and yet we are still totally in love with each other. Maybe even more so. I love her outlook on life, how she learns, how she balances mind, body and spirit, and how she rolls slowly through her days in order to make sure that the most important passions, feelings and needs of life are always taken care of. She's not afraid to fail or ask for help, and she really loves Jesus and his atonement. Lizza and I can go months without talking, and it is like nothing changes. We change and our friendship changes, but our love is always there and always strong. Lizza had a natural home birth with her last baby. That is amazing. She brings a lot of skills in her bag of tricks.
Lindsay and I have been friends for 4 and half years. The first time we talked, I came home and told Tim, "I talked to this girl tonight, and she made me feel better about everything." Talking to Lindsay has always brought perspective and peace. She shares, and she encourages the people around her to share. Together we process or strengths and weakness, the good and bad around us and all aspects of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She cares about every detail. She's not afraid to say, "That was awkward." She asks for help. She gets mad sometimes just like every good and real woman should. She tries new things, and she loves both the good and bad days of motherhood. She is also madly in love with Quinn.
I'm obviously really passionate about both these women. I love them a lot, and I consider them family.
To me they represent growth, friendship, peace and grace, and those are the feelings I want in the room when McKenna joins us.
Fingers crossed that everything will go well, and that everyone will be able to make it on time. But the special part about this is that even if they don't make it in time, it will still feel like they are there. I am so lucky to have an amazing team of women in my life all over the country. No baby will have more hearts with her at her birth than my angel, McKenna.
In my hardest moment, I leaned on these people, and they brought the kind of strength, spirit, peace and energy that I needed most. It was beautiful. And Kristie and I felt strongly that there was a powerful force and reason for 8-month-old Calli's presents in the room. Calli was Quinn's strength.
My mom will hopefully make it there for the birth, but since she will be on Quinn duty at home, there is a chance she will miss it.
My sister has two angels now, and is not as mobile. She and I cry about it all the time, but we are realistic about the fact that we will not always be able to be there. She will head to town when mom leaves.
So the birth party will be different this time, but I think it will be equally as powerful.
Tim will be in the main control seat, of course. I could not do it without him. And then I have asked two very special friends to be in the room with us. Lindsay Purdie and Lizza Nelson.
Lizza and I have been friends for almost 10 years. We met in Europe on a Study Abroad. We both were learning and growing a lot. We are not the same women we were when we met, and yet we are still totally in love with each other. Maybe even more so. I love her outlook on life, how she learns, how she balances mind, body and spirit, and how she rolls slowly through her days in order to make sure that the most important passions, feelings and needs of life are always taken care of. She's not afraid to fail or ask for help, and she really loves Jesus and his atonement. Lizza and I can go months without talking, and it is like nothing changes. We change and our friendship changes, but our love is always there and always strong. Lizza had a natural home birth with her last baby. That is amazing. She brings a lot of skills in her bag of tricks.
Lindsay and I have been friends for 4 and half years. The first time we talked, I came home and told Tim, "I talked to this girl tonight, and she made me feel better about everything." Talking to Lindsay has always brought perspective and peace. She shares, and she encourages the people around her to share. Together we process or strengths and weakness, the good and bad around us and all aspects of the gospel of Jesus Christ. She cares about every detail. She's not afraid to say, "That was awkward." She asks for help. She gets mad sometimes just like every good and real woman should. She tries new things, and she loves both the good and bad days of motherhood. She is also madly in love with Quinn.
I'm obviously really passionate about both these women. I love them a lot, and I consider them family.
To me they represent growth, friendship, peace and grace, and those are the feelings I want in the room when McKenna joins us.
Fingers crossed that everything will go well, and that everyone will be able to make it on time. But the special part about this is that even if they don't make it in time, it will still feel like they are there. I am so lucky to have an amazing team of women in my life all over the country. No baby will have more hearts with her at her birth than my angel, McKenna.
Stats and Preparation
I had my last OB appointment on Thursday. I gladly told my midwife I would take that induction date and have this baby on Monday!! Then on my way out I swiftly and proudly canceled my appointment for next Wednesday. No need for that. I will have a baby by then. (Or I better.)
The midwife said I am still dilated to a 3, but that the baby is in a much better position than last week. Her back is on my left side with her feet in my right ribs, and she has dropped a little more.
The fact that nobody seems to think she is dropping at all just by looking at me reminds me of how big this baby might be. She's packed in pretty tight.
So, I am getting ready for this birth party. Lindsay is all ready. She'll be spending the day at her mom's very close to the hospital. She'll come by in the morning, and then wait for the action from her Mom's house so she can take care of her kids. Lizza is also ready. She's out of town, so I've got to talk to her Sunday and get her plan.
I am really excited to have these two special women with me at McKenna's birth.
My parents head to town Sunday morning. The hospital will call on Sunday night with information for me about Monday morning.
I'm guessing I'll have a baby by 6 p.m. on June 8.
Let's see.
The midwife said I am still dilated to a 3, but that the baby is in a much better position than last week. Her back is on my left side with her feet in my right ribs, and she has dropped a little more.
The fact that nobody seems to think she is dropping at all just by looking at me reminds me of how big this baby might be. She's packed in pretty tight.
So, I am getting ready for this birth party. Lindsay is all ready. She'll be spending the day at her mom's very close to the hospital. She'll come by in the morning, and then wait for the action from her Mom's house so she can take care of her kids. Lizza is also ready. She's out of town, so I've got to talk to her Sunday and get her plan.
I am really excited to have these two special women with me at McKenna's birth.
My parents head to town Sunday morning. The hospital will call on Sunday night with information for me about Monday morning.
I'm guessing I'll have a baby by 6 p.m. on June 8.
Let's see.
It's Go Time
I have an idea! Let's have a baby on Monday.
Ok. Sounds great!
The miracle of modern medicine comes again to save me from the horror that is the last few weeks of pregnancy, and I am ever so grateful.
My parents are flying in on Sunday morning. The Hospital will call on Sunday night to tell me what time to show up on Monday morning. And then the party starts.
Of course I am most excited to meet my baby and add her to our family (and show Quinn that I have not just been full of it for 40 weeks.... there actually is a real McKenna.)
But I am also excited to not have heartburn anymore, to have a reason to eat a whole box of Rainbow Chips Deluxe Cookies, to sleep better and in whatever position I like, to be able to go on long walks, to be a better mom again, to not get so irritated, to get a good back adjustment, to nurse my baby and to fit in the bathtub again.
I'm also excited to sit on the rocking chair in the nursery. I view of the mountains is beautiful from there, and I haven't really enjoyed it since around the time Quinn stopped nursing AND we needed to put a blanket up in the window to block the light during naps. I know I won't have as much time for siting and enjoying it this time around, but I am going to try.
As for saying, "Good Bye" to pregnancy, I will not miss very much this time. I was practically in mourning when I was not pregnant with Quinn anymore. As for this time around, I will miss the passion for cleaning, my Zoloft, my lack of leg hair, the excuse to indulge if I want to, and Quinn rubbing lotion on my belly and talking to McKenna.
Three more sleepless nights. Let the count down begin.
I will post updates on the labor and delivery here. Pictures. ASAP. I already packed my camera cord so I can upload and share.
Ok. Sounds great!
The miracle of modern medicine comes again to save me from the horror that is the last few weeks of pregnancy, and I am ever so grateful.
My parents are flying in on Sunday morning. The Hospital will call on Sunday night to tell me what time to show up on Monday morning. And then the party starts.
Of course I am most excited to meet my baby and add her to our family (and show Quinn that I have not just been full of it for 40 weeks.... there actually is a real McKenna.)
But I am also excited to not have heartburn anymore, to have a reason to eat a whole box of Rainbow Chips Deluxe Cookies, to sleep better and in whatever position I like, to be able to go on long walks, to be a better mom again, to not get so irritated, to get a good back adjustment, to nurse my baby and to fit in the bathtub again.
I'm also excited to sit on the rocking chair in the nursery. I view of the mountains is beautiful from there, and I haven't really enjoyed it since around the time Quinn stopped nursing AND we needed to put a blanket up in the window to block the light during naps. I know I won't have as much time for siting and enjoying it this time around, but I am going to try.
As for saying, "Good Bye" to pregnancy, I will not miss very much this time. I was practically in mourning when I was not pregnant with Quinn anymore. As for this time around, I will miss the passion for cleaning, my Zoloft, my lack of leg hair, the excuse to indulge if I want to, and Quinn rubbing lotion on my belly and talking to McKenna.
Three more sleepless nights. Let the count down begin.
I will post updates on the labor and delivery here. Pictures. ASAP. I already packed my camera cord so I can upload and share.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Induction
Today was the day the midwives offered to induce me.
I'm still pregnant, though, because I love my husband and really want him to be a part of this process.
When I first got pregnant, I told everyone, "Hey, I had a 9 pound baby. I think I have earned the right to be induced 3 weeks early. The worst damage to my body happen in Quinn's last few weeks. I'm not doing that again."
Then Tim quit the band and got back on the CFA train. Big test, hard to pass, most people don't pass, even more people don't try. The test is on the 6th, and after much discussion, Tim and I made a deal that we would not use any interventions to have the baby until after the test. Dear me.
That was easy to say a few months ago, but now I am back in the stage where, "The worst damage to my body happen in McKenna's last few weeks...."
So, last night I told Tim with whimpers in my eyes, "I have to get induced tomorrow or I will die." He was really nice about it.
"Baby I totally get it. If that it what you need to do, that is totally fine with me. ..... (soft really nice voice) I just can't be there."
Of course, I am not going to let that happen. But I think he really would have understood. Great Guy.
As often as I have said in the last two months that I do not want to be induced. I do want this baby out of me ASAP. Let's get this show on the road. So I will probably cave.
The midwives have me penciled in to get induced on the 8th. I'll probably do it. I'm ready. The house is ready. The baby is ready. Quinn is ready. Let's do this.
I'm still pregnant, though, because I love my husband and really want him to be a part of this process.
When I first got pregnant, I told everyone, "Hey, I had a 9 pound baby. I think I have earned the right to be induced 3 weeks early. The worst damage to my body happen in Quinn's last few weeks. I'm not doing that again."
Then Tim quit the band and got back on the CFA train. Big test, hard to pass, most people don't pass, even more people don't try. The test is on the 6th, and after much discussion, Tim and I made a deal that we would not use any interventions to have the baby until after the test. Dear me.
That was easy to say a few months ago, but now I am back in the stage where, "The worst damage to my body happen in McKenna's last few weeks...."
So, last night I told Tim with whimpers in my eyes, "I have to get induced tomorrow or I will die." He was really nice about it.
"Baby I totally get it. If that it what you need to do, that is totally fine with me. ..... (soft really nice voice) I just can't be there."
Of course, I am not going to let that happen. But I think he really would have understood. Great Guy.
As often as I have said in the last two months that I do not want to be induced. I do want this baby out of me ASAP. Let's get this show on the road. So I will probably cave.
The midwives have me penciled in to get induced on the 8th. I'll probably do it. I'm ready. The house is ready. The baby is ready. Quinn is ready. Let's do this.
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