12 Hours into this New Parenthood

So, we are 12 hours into new parenthood and loving it. I do not love the crazy pain or the slow nurses, but I love my angel. And I LOVE spending this time with Tim.

McKenna seems to have a quiet voice and a big appetite, just like Tim. (Quinn has a loud voice and a big appetite ... like me!) She has thick black hair, just the way I ordered her. You know, it takes us a long time to get the babies we pray for, but when they get here, they are just perfectly how we ordered them.

McKenna nurses perfectly, and it is like riding a bike for me, I guess. No problems with the equipment yet. It is really different to have our angel in the room with us. Quinn was in a Level 2 nursury hooked up to wires the entire time we were in the hospital. We couldn't really do anything with her without asking permission, and it was hard to nurse away from a soft, safe space. Yesterday, Tim and I looked at each other, and kind of wondered, "Ok, what so we do with her now." We just were not used to the fun and freedom or unwrapping her, playing with her, and soaking her all in.

A lot of this experience is different. Tim just mentioned to me that he got to cut the cord after she came out. So cool. That was not an option last time. AND this time we caught her too. Our midwife was really cool to suggest that and make it happen. When the head came out, the midwife unwrapped the cord from her neck, which was wrapped around twice, and then Tim pulled the rest of her out and put her on my tummy. It was a shock to get to hold her so soon. She gave out one good cry, and then they took her to clean her lungs, since she had some of the same problems Quinn did. Everyone was taking pictures like paporatizi. It was great. Mom was mad that she didn't have her giant camera because she had just stopped by to say hi when I started pushing. I think there is some serious video of the actually action if anyone wants to see it. There is also a beautiful 30 second video of her being handed to me after her lungs got cleared out. I love it. I'll try to post it here.

Pushing was a lot different this time too. For those who don't know ... (and everybody knows because these are some serious bragging rights) .... I pushed for 4 hours to get Quinn out. I think I just basically sucked at it. So, I was really nervous to start that part of the process this time. My nurse came it to check me at about 4 p.m. She said I was about an 8, but with signs that things were moving quietly. Abby, the midwife, came in a few minutes later. She said, "Ok, you're an 8. That't great. Now let me know if you feel X, Y and Z." I can't remember the details, but one part was something about feeling the pressure build until it feels like you have to make a bowel movement. After that we asked Lizza and questions, and Lizza started telling us more about her home birth. About halfway through Lizza's story, I thought, "It's go time. That is pressure building and something coming out of my bum."

When Lizza was done, I said, "Remember those things you said about the pressure? I've got that." Abby just kind of laughed. "Well, we just checked you, so let's give it about a half hour." "Ok," I said. "But I feel those things. No joke." She was sceptical, but check me. "You're right. It's time."

So, this is when I kind of started to freak out. I was really nervous to start pushing this time around. Lots of bad memories from round 1, I guess. But I had a great team. Everyone tried to pump me up and remind me of all the aspects of this labor that had already been so different. But I was still scared. Of course, I called Kristie. She gave me the same thoughts, and it start to sink in.

I had been feeling the pressure from a lot of my contractions for the previous 3 or 4 hours. I had not been pushing my button to get more drugs because I really wanted to feel the delivery so I could push better. I could feel the different right away. And it felt great to get encouraging words like, "Yes, just like that. That is perfect, Jill!" I didn't get a lot of that with round 1.

I had Bridget hold up one knee and Tim holding up another. Lindsay and Lizza were recording the momemt and soaking it all in. My mom was sort of in the background. "Mom, you ok. jump of up and get part of the action." Later, when it was Tim to catch, she took over Tim's leg job.

I could feel the pushing, and it worked a lot better. Then at one point, Abby tried to explain how I should be pushing less with my face and more with my tummy. I was really trying to understand. However, for a little while my pushing was not as good, and so Abby just laughed and said, "Go back to doing it the way you were (wrong). Whatever works. Those were really good pushed." So I went back to doing it wrong, and it worked like a charm.

(Right now, McKenna is laying on the Boppi on the bed with me. She has two bows in her hair. She's wrapped up in a white blanket with a beautiful quilt laying over her. She reminds me of a picture of Quinn that was one of my favorites. Quinn didn't look like that picture for very long. I wonder how McKenna will change.)

I loved feeling her come out of me. I loved having my team with me and sharing that very special moment with some of the most important women that have shared so much with me throughout my life. I'm so happy that my mom ending up making it for the birth. I just really loved the support and the feeling of her strength and motherhood that filled the room. Together in the room, we were 5 mothers and 1 father with 10 children among us. Tim and I both commented that the only missing links were Kristie and Avery. We love all the women and sisters in our life, but there is something out those two women that complete our family in those special moments. But my team did a great job for filling the void. And Abby nor my nurse never said a word about how full the room was. They just totally embrassed it. That is just one of the many reasons I stick to a midwife. (The doctor I say for one visit at the start of this pregnancy didn't even one Quinn in the exam room ... no thanks.) Abby was a rockstart. I felt so encouraged and supported. Lindsay even said when it was over that it all made her want to have another baby just so she could have Abby there.

Everyone left pretty soon after the birth. I had time to nurse (which as I said came flooding back to my memory), and we just hung out with McKenna. I have a lot of emotions about this little one, and they do not all make sense to me yet. One of my first thoughts, which is think was really natural, was that she is not Quinn. I am only used to one baby, and I don't feel like it has to be an automatic instinct to know exactly how to feel. I am going to give myself time and space so that my feelings are real and genuine.

But really and genuinely, I do love this little lady more every minute. I miss Quinn, and I am still not sure how it will feel to be home or to be a family of 4 or to split my love and loyalities, but it is working itself out.

Melissa Jones was McKenna's first visitor. She came and sat with me while Tim went to get us dinner. Again, I am so grateful for good friends. We women love to relive every details, and there is nothing better than reliving it with another woman. She held and love McKenna and even sent pics to friends of hers that don't even know me. What could make a mama more proud of her beauty Queen.

After Melissa left, the pain started to kick in and I jumped back ont he drug train. The cramps are worse than the contractions that motivated me to get an epidual!! Dear me. Plus, there is a lot going on with my bladder, my stitches, my legs. I still do not have all the feeling back in my left leg. Weird. So that means I still need help to go to the ladies' room. My cute husband is a huge help. We practically carries me.

We finally went to sleep and got about 5 hours. It was amazing to sleep on my back. I loved it. I remember waking up at 4:50 a.m. and thinking, "I should feed my baby. But that will hurt. I should just lay here. I ddn't feed Quinn the first night. I'll just lay here. It is going to hurt. I'll just lay here." Just then the CNA came in with McKenna. No escape! I got my drugs. Fed my angel, and here we go starting her first full day.

There is always more to say, so I will be back.