Happy Birthday, Baby.

McKenna turned 1 year old today!

(Technically we are not celebrating the big event until next week because I had a miscarriage yesterday and couldn't pull it off the way I think McKenna deserves.)

But I was able to pull a few things together for my little one today after all. We spent some time together as a family this morning, and Kenna opened her first gift. It was a gift bag with two Zhu-Zhu pets inside. The girls played with them in the morning. Kenna went back and worth between loving them and being just scared enough to crawl into my lap to watch them cruise around the house from a safe distance.

I was feeling better after our naps today and decided to try to really enjoy the birthday with my girls. I put together the sand and water table that Kenna got from Grammy and Grandpa John, and then, of course, we needed some ... SAND!

So, I took the girls for Ice Cream and to get some sand. We also stopped to eat very bright pink cupcakes. Quinn and I sang Happy Birthday, and McKenna dug in. I was really happy. I love my kids so much, and it meant a lot on this not so great day to be close to my angels and to show them how much I care.

As for my little 1 year old: Kenna is a new baby everyday.

She is pulling up and stand up next to things, and now that she has figured it all out, she's got guts.

Today she was very passionate about learning to climb up stairs.

She also got a new tooth, and she kept her shoes for the first time. She decided to give shoes a try so she could stand up at the water table outside without ouchy feet.

She used a spoon to eat her cupcake and then practiced eating yogurt with a spoon. I let her make a huge mess at the table, and she was so happy.

And then I put her in the bath with Quinn, and they played together and had a great time.

She ate sand today and liked it. Then she went back for more.

She turned her spider monkey crawl into a much more normal funny looking crawl, and she managed to learn to hold something in one arm while she cruises around. And for the first time today she took her bottle with her and drank along the way.

Tonight she laughed historically when I knelt down by her crib for her good night prayers. She pulled her head up to the bars and laughed out loud over and over again. She thought it was great.

She has her own soul, and she is full of love and life.

She's also like a parrot and can repeat anything I say. She says "Mama" and "Dada," and she'll try to say anything. (Quinn was very careful about not trying out a new word until she knew it would come out right.)

Kenna is her own girl. I adore her. She is cuddly, and when she wants to cuddle, she puts her head all the way over to one side and smashs her head into my chest. She rips out clips and head bands and throws them as far away as possible. She reaches up to play the piano. And once she gets playing with a toy or drawer of junk, she never looks back. She gets in her own world -- a world that I look forward to being a part of forever.

Happy Birthday, baby girl! I love you so much. You really make me feel complete and happy and full of purpose. One year ago today, you brought some crazy love into our home and made us feel like a family. You made me feel real and wonderful. Thanks, baby.

Great Day

McKenna has been a crazy person lately. Moody, emotional, needy. Not eating. Not sleeping. Not even drinking bottles.

But today she was a rock star. She ate chicken and apple sauce. She finished bottles, played by her self and stood up in her crib for the very first time. Then she stood up by the baby gate, smiled a ton, crawled into my lap for hugs and kisses, and sat with me to sing songs for about 20 minutes. It was a great day.

It was also the day I found out my next baby is on its way. I might have panicked to sit there thinking about a baby coming while staring at my 1 year old as she acts like a crazy 6 month old. Scary, but today she showed great potential for learning to walk and talk someday and be normal someday. :)

Starting to Stand

At 11 1/2 months, little McKenna is starting to stand up. Emphasis on "starting." He funny scoot and now a funny spider money or gorilla walk. Her crawl changed after I took her to the chiropractor and he adjusted two spots on her back. Her feet make a lot more contact with the ground now.

And if she is in an amazing mood, she will hold our hands and stand up. But basically she hates it and is just doing it to humor us. Grandma gave her a little standing boot camp, but I do not see much improvement. But as I have said, there is no rush!! I love my baby who is a baby forever!!

Of course she stole the show during out visit to Arizona this week. Everybody loved her. She was an angel and slept great! I was so happy. She was also great in the car, but she fought sleep the whole time and got delirious. Poor thing had a wet diaper most of the trip. Sorry, baby!!

McKenna and the big bounce

So, Kenna just flew down the stairs. I've never seen anything like it. It was horrible.

Tim, Quinn and I are really good at closing the baby gate at the top of the stairs. But this afternoon I was searching my friend's recipe blog, and Quinn was hitting me and screaming about something I had already said "no" to. "Time for a break in your room."

I took her down stairs and forgot to close the baby gate. Quinn was screaming, slamming, kicking, and being quite the problem. I was standing outside of her closed door when I heard a little sound from McKenna, and I just knew she was leaning head first over the stairs. Next thing I new I heard a few thumps. I screamed and ran as fast as I could to the stairs. Before I could get there, she flew into my sight as she bounced off the last stair. It was really horrible. She lay there for a second, and than starting crying the same way she would if I had just taken the remote control away. Nothing more. Nothing less. I picked her up. She cried for a few seconds and stopped.

Tim came running from our room when he heard me scream. He walked right passed me and Kenna and went to help Quinn. It was like an old routine or like two ships passing in the night. No one freaked out. We just surveyed the situation and went on with things.

I've said it before, and I will say it again. It always surprises me how non-dramatic the actual dramatic situations are. Think of how loud and crazy I was yesterday just typing all about how Zoloft tried to "kill" my baby. Then today I let her fall down the stairs, and we just go about our business. It always works that way with us. Like when my kids throw up, it is like a major event, but when they are in the hospital, it is like "Does the little shop next door sell ice cream?" Because what can you do? When it is major, you can't change it or fix it. You just have to survive and move on. When it is not major, you get all crazy and you have time to think, "Is this major?" Knowing is half the battle.

So, anyway, Kenna seems to be unscathed from her ride down the stairs, but I am a little worried. She's acting all normal, but I am just worried she will have bruises or pain. I would not go so far as to say I am worried about internal injuries, but I probably am. I think she is fine. But I do wonder if I should take her to the Dr. Olsen, the magic chiropractor. I think I will.

And maybe I'll cut Zoloft some slack. Ah ... perspective.

So cute

Oh, my sweet McKenna! I just about fell in love with this baby all over again today. She took a bath with me after my half marathon. She was so cute and so happy. She is starting to nod her head "Yes," and I love it. And she likes to play games with Tim where they pass a bath toy back and forth in their mouths. She copies him perfectly and shakes her head with the toy in it so he can't get it. She loves it. She is still doing her gymnastics scoot as I like to call it. She sits in a straddle position, and then uses her hands to push herself forward like a gymnastics strength trick. She is getting really fast at it, too.

Not sure what happen, but her hair stinks. It used Selsen Blue shampoo on it about a week ago, and ever since then, it has smelled like burnt hair. I used oils and all kids of yummy smelly shampoo, and it will not go away. Too bad. Tim thinks the hair got fried my the shampoo, and it will stay like this until it grows out. So sad, stinky baby.

10 Months

My angel is 10 months today. She is scooting around the front room like a gymnast. The girl just likes to have her butt on the ground. She doesn't like to stand or hang out on her hands and knees. She keeps her back really straight and her legs open in a "V" shape. Then she puts her hands on the ground and puts her whole body weight on her hands. Then she scoots forward. It seems like a lot more work than it is worth, and I think she knows that. So, she likes to sort of stay put. Today she is "crawling" all around. And she crawled to me for the first time.

Kenna's got two teeth that she got 2 weeks ago at 9 and a half months. They are the two bottom front teeth. She seems to really enjoy them. She sticks her tongue out a lot to feel the teeth on the bottom of her tongue, and she already has the hang of biting things. She eats her bananas a lot faster now. And she left little teeth marks on a toy baby bottle today.

I call Kenna my 6 month angel because until the last few days with the crawling, she has just sat on the ground and acted like a 6 month old. This is, of course, wonderful because 6 month old babies are gods gift to new moms. They are the best. They do all the fun stuff and none of the crappy stuff. Amen for a 6 month 10 month old. I love it.

McKenna is very social and loving, and I love to cuddle and squeeze her.

She still takes a bottle of formula about every 3 hours. And today for the first time she gestured to a bottle I was putting away and screamed with a "Hey, Give me that," tone of voice. I loved it. So amazing.

Fever

McKenna was really fussy last night before bed, and she woke up with a 101.5 fever. Her whole body was hot except for her left leg. Weird. I thought maybe her sock was cutting off her circulation. I took it off, gave her some Tylenol and put her back to bed. She ate a big breakfast (supper cakes with pear butter yogurt) and is now watching The House of the Lord movie while playing in her exersaucer. I put some lemon and lavender oils on her feet and ear lobes. Tim is sick too, but he won't allow the foot rub. I put lemon oil in his orange juice. My poor babies.

Weening and Waiting

I stopped nursing McKenna last Saturday. It had been about a week. I didn't really ween. I just stopped like I did with Quinn. I started Clomid on Feb. 27, so it just made sense to ween when the clomid was going to help me dry up. I tried not to think about it too much because it really makes me sad. I loved nursing McKenna. I've been trying to hold her more often now that she is not nursing and doesn't automatically get that special time with me. Sometimes she just needs extra attention.

She still isn't moving much, but she is really trying to communicate more. I love when she pushes my hand away when I try to do something to her or give her something. She shakes her head and pushes my hand. She knows what she wants.

She had her first drop of essential oil in a small bottle of prune juice today. She cried for a long time after that and wouldn't eat dinner. It is probably not related.

As for the waiting. I am waiting to get pregnant again, waiting for Kenna to get teeth, move, and talk, and waiting for my chest to go back to normal.

But mostly I am just proud of my Kenna. She is so nice. She love people. She is her own girl. She was a great sport about weening, and she loves corn just like her mama.

We are headed to California on Thursday, and it has never once occurred to me that the flight might be a problem. I remember flying with Quinn at 9 months. It was hard. She was starting to not want to be on the lap. She was standing in the aisle. Different kid, different story, and I like it that way.

Waving

McKenna learned to wave last week. She usually limits to sharing this privilege and communication to Tim and my friend Melissa. But right now she is watching Littler Einsteins and waving at the TV with all her soul. Man, this girls is so cute. I love her so much, obviously. But seriously ... I love that she can't crawl and doesn't seem to want to. She is much more interested in waving at friends, toys and TVs. I love it.

Hugging and Holding

I just can't hug McKenna enough these days. She is a lot more needy than Quinn ever was. I am pretty much a hands off momma. If you cry and cry and cry, it is bedtime. But with Mckenna, I am different. Somedays she just needs extra love. She loves to be held. I have started carrying her around in the baby borjn, and it makes her so happy. It is not ideal for my back, but again, it makes her so happy. She has a the sweetest smile and cutest laugh, and so when she is sad, I figure she diserves whatever she needs. The older Quinn gets the more I love both of my babies. I feel like I can appriciate the baby stage more as I enjoy Quinn's age, too. Does that make sense? Basically, it turns out, I love motherhood more with every baby and every day. That feels nice.

Sick (Of Nursing)

McKenna has a cold. Her nose is running none stop, and, of course, she hates to have it wipes. Poor thing. I give her half a tablet of benedryl once or twice a day, and that seems to help, but Tim seems to think that is not safe. (Stupid information on the Internet empowering dad's to be armed with information...) Anyway, I thought she would be doing better today, but she is still all gross.

I have been weening her from nursing, and now that she is sick, but I just want to throw in the towel. I live this little nugget so much, and I especially love holding her and rocking her. I guess I can do all of this with a bottle. I guess it is just a matter of making a new habit.

Basically, I am weening for a few reasons. Selfishly I would like my body back. Everyone knows I am about the least vein of anyone I know, but enough is enough. I am packing on the weight like it is going out of style. And I will never forget how much I loved my body after I stopped nursing Quinn. That was heaven. So that is one reason, but I have also been having troubles with my menstrual cycle. When I left for 5 days for the 3 day walk, my body thought I was done nursing, and I started menstruating again. So on the second cycle after that -- when i was back to nursing fulltime -- the ovulation hormones where fighting the lactation hormones, and I felt like I was going crazy. I got way bloated. I got depressed for like 3 weeks until my body gave up and I got an anovultion cycle (you get your period without having ovulated -- normally about a 40 day cycle). On top of all of that I am planning to go back on clomid and have a new baby.

I guess what I am saying is let's get this show on the road. I would over think it, but it is over. I guess I am just not used to wanting my baby to stay a baby forever. I have always been all about Quinn growing up. But my McKenna is my Kenna-benna baby, and I want her to cuddle with me forever.

7 Months

My angel is 7 months now, but I keep telling people she's 6 months because I forget. And I guess I just don't want my baby to be that old.

She sits up great now, but she cries like a crazy lady if she sees me walk out of the room. Sometimes she stops, but lots of times she does not. That's not fun, but sometimes I do love a reason to hold and cuddle her for hours. I didn't do that much with Quinn; she never really needed it. But sometimes McKenna just needs a little extra love.

The only problem these days is that she doesn't like to be fed food. SHE LIKES TO FEED HERSELF, which is crazy messy and pretty confusing. I don't know what to feed her. Half of the time I cave and just stick a handful of animal crackers right in front of her. But today Bridget suggested using one of those mesh feeders. I have never thought about those for actual food consumption. I always thought they were just for giving babies something to suck on. But I filling the mesh part with apple sauce and then squash, and I think we have a winner. She got pretty messing, but she for sure got a lot in her tummy too. Dear me. At least I have clean kid. And it is certainly not my McKenna baby.

Lately, all I want to do is stay home and hug my kids. I hope McKenna is a cuddler. Quinn cuddles. I love it. And as I said, I love to hold my McKenna. Not all the time like a crazy person, but every now and then when it is just us playing, laughing and hugging.

Getting so Big!!

Oh my goodness! Avery McKenna is getting so big. Dear me. In just a few days, I had to throw dozens of outfits into the too small box. And in one day both Melissa and Tim said that she is looking super cute baby chunky. Love it.

Sitting Up

McKenna is doing more and more sitting up! It is amazing. Just like with all new baby milestones, her sitting up changes her perspective on life and our perspective on her. It really is amazing. She seems to feel a lot more comfortable with a couch behind her, but she can manage to stay sitting in the middle of the floor for quite awhile. I have been pile blankets around her so the fall is soft.

And as I said, her sitting up gives us a whole new view of her. Tim said this week, "She is totally not a newborn anymore. Her cry is even different." And Quinn is suddenly in love with McKenna. She hugs her a lot and is starting to play with her. They sat together in their new play house and pretended with play food. Quinn made the meals, and McKenna tried as hard as she could to eat them.

gymnastics

Oops. McKenna flipped off the couch today. Ouch. Sorry, baby. I think she's fine. I hope she is. She has developed a new and screeching cry, but I don't think it is relating. She I wake up to help her at night, Tim says, half asleep, "Don't get too close. It might bite." It's that loud. :)

Wrapped in Swaddling Cloth

Just as we celebrate the most famous swaddled babe of all, it is time for McKenna to drop her wrap and sleep without it. She loves the swaddle, but she is starting to flip herself over on to her tummy when she fights sleep, and then she gets so mad because she is stuck!!

So, I just have to admit ... its over.

We put her to bed last night with no wrap, and she did OK until about 4:30 when I wrapped her and then 6:30 when I wrapped her again. But she also has a cold that came on yesterday, so it is hard to tell there this will go.

Tim and I remembered last night that at about 7 months we started playing music for Quinn to help her fall asleep. When she was 9 months, we brought a Mormon Tabernacle Choir CD with us on our Christmas road trip for the car and for naps on the go. I think music was our saving grace for a few months.

Maybe it is time to pull out the old burned MoTab tracks for our little babe.

I wonder when Mary weened Jesus from the Swaddle.

and how?

Almost 5 Months

McKenna turns 5 months in one week. This seems like a huge deal to me. I can remember a lot about Quinn starting at 5 months. That was when she could sit up, and it was when she used to do her downward dog pose while trying to crawl to her poodle. McKenna is a bit different. She hates to be on her tummy, so even though she could probably roll over ... she chooses not to. But if I put her on her tummy she rolls to her back as soon as possible. McKenna also has no favorites. She has no favorite toys or books. She doesn't have a poodle or a paci. Maybe it is my fault. I probably helped foster Quinn's favorites early on since I had nothing else to do. Sorry, K.

Kenna also doesn't eat much solid food. At this stage with Quinn, she was moving from recreational eating to demanding food. Kenna has eaten a few times, but she doesn't seem too concerned.

However, Kenna loves to eat her clothes. She loves to suck on fabric. She makes her shirts soaking wet, and her poor fingers are so cold all the time.

As for hair: it is getting longer and thinning out all the at the same time. Easy to say this is her awkward hair stage. Maybe it be the only one she sees until at least past junior high.

We are working on breaking her of the swaddle. She took a short nap last night and one this morning swaddle free. I'm kind of sad about it. But I think it is best for her. She breaks out of the swaddle, and it wakes her up. Plus she sucks on the wrap all the time.

Still has blue eyes, and this weekend she has her first cold. Stuffy nose and a bit of a fever. Probably a little swine flu. Not worried.

She loves the computer, too. Right now she is standing next to me. I am holding her of course, and she is watching me type.

Pumpkins and Costumes and Christmas

Well, my dear, you were all about sleeping today while I took Quinn to pick out pumpkins. But we got one for you. (You waited in the car...) When we went to the Barnyard Boo at the Thanksgiving Point Farm. You came on a wagon ride with Quinn and me, and you were so quiet while we listened to a witch storyteller.

Quinn and I dressed you up in my Halloween costume. You are a pink skeleton. You glow in the dark. I put the costume and Quinn in the closet today so she could see it glow!

Even though you are too young to care about Halloween, having you around makes everything better. I can't wait to celebrate Christmas with you. And everyone knows that Halloween night is the first night of Christmas.

Eating and Sleeping

So, McKenna stopped sleeping through the night a few weeks ago. Not sure what happen. But it all went to pot. It caught up with me a few days later, and I have been completely exhausted ever since. Continuous sleep is a jewel, a prize. I miss it.

But last night she (and I) slept from about 10 p.m. until 4:30 a.m. Let me tell you I have never been so happy to be awake at 4:22 a.m. I knew the minute I opened my eyes that I had just got more continuous sleep than I had in weeks. Sad, but wonderful.

Just when the Mama thinks she's got this down .... oh, humility. It's good for us, I guess.

Anyway, Aunt Kristie bought up the fact that I might need to start feed Kenna solids to help her sleep through the night. Not looking forward to that. I've probably mentioned this before, but with Quinn I basically sat around and waited from March 10 (her birthday) to July 4, the first day I gave her solid food. There isn't much else to do when you've only got one.

We'll see. I am also not so sure that I want rice cereal to be her first solid. It really doesn't ahve anything in it, and that is not the kind of diet I support. I know her body needs to start small and all that, but I like to over think things and make them more complicated. For sure, though, I am not buying baby food this time around.

Again, We'll see.

Sucking on her dress

Today was one of those days that McKenna seemed to come alive. I kept noticing that her dress was wet, and I thought it was because she spit up. Turns out she was, in fact, prone to spitting up today (which almost never happens), but several times today at Sarah's wedding luncheon and reception I would look down at McKenna and see that she had her dress in her mouth. She learned to pick it up and put it in her mouth. She was soaking wet all day. Dear me, but I loved it because she just felt so real and old and bright and special and mine.