Empathy and the Lone Contraction

Repeat Post from Owner of the Band:

At 4:59 this morning, I had a contraction. This was no ordinary false labor piece of "pressure." This was a contraction. The mother of all contractions, and it hurt like hell.

I was laying in my bed after getting up to take a shower. I started to feel my regular pressure contractions. "Good," I thought. "At least these do more than just her kicking."

Next, thing I know I have his wave of pain very low. "Good," I thought. "This will do even more. Now we're talking!" But before I could finish my thought, the pain grew do bad so fast that I was huffing and puffing and about to scream. I tried to sit up, but couldn't because the pain was so bad. I waited, in complete shock and utter pain, for the contraction to end. It took about 60 seconds.

By the time it was gone, I was freaking out. The first thing that crossed my mind was, "If that happens again, I better have an IV in my back." I sat up and called Tim who was already on his way to work. I told him to drive slow because he would be turning around shortly.

I was so scared for the next one to come. I was scared to lay down. Scare to sit up. The contraction left a feeling in my stomach that made me want to barf. I got up to get a snack and watch Friends.

Nothing happen. No more contractions for the rest of the morning. WHAT? Cruel joke? Honestly, I have never been scared of labor, but I'm scared now. I never want to feel that again. EVER. Suddenly I feel like I want to get induced so I can have my Epidural before my body ever has a chance to do that to me again.

After about 30 minutes when I figured another monster was not coming, I sat and thought about all the women in my life that either never got an epidural or waited until the end of labor to beg for their drugs. I felt connected to these women in a way that made me want to barf again. Oh, the pain. I will never judge again.

A shout out to Lizza, who birthed at home with no drugs.
A shout out to Bridget, who weighted until a 6 to ask for drugs and was not fully drugged until an 8 or so.
A shout out to Lindsay, who weighted until a 9.5 until assuring that she got her drugs.
And a shout out to the Earnshaw girls, who are totally crazy and don't even thing about drugs.

I love you all, and if I ever feel that kind of pain, try not to be too close because I will probably reach out and kill you. :)

So Sleepy

Wow, I am not dealing very well with these last few weeks. I am SOO tired. I do not think it helps that Quinn wakes me up with a wet bed quite often. But really I am too tired to do anything. Aunt Avery is here, which is a amazing. And luckily, she is SOOO tired too from her long travel from DC and her busy DC lifestyle. I think she welcomes the slow break, so that is what she will get.

Really though I am so tired.

I'm trying hard to stay positive and happy, but it is hard. I just want this angel to come. I know I will be tired for awhile after she is here, but at least I will be able to move ... and it won't hurt when I pee my pants because it will be just regular baby-came-out-of-me- incontinence and not baby-jumping-on-my-bladder-incontinence, which is quite painful.

I think I do OK a lot of the day. But I do lose my cool sometimes, and that makes me sad.

But Tim is being GREAT. Last night when I could not find a comfortable place to sit, he suggested the rocking chair in the front room. We never sit in this chair, but it was perfect. I am a rocking Queen now. He is not normally one to actually come up with a solution when I complain. Love filled the room :)

Uncle Chad sent me a picture of Aunt Annie lounging in her new rocker in unborn Vinny's room. She has the right idea.

Moving too Much

My baby is moving too much.

Last night she started kicking so hard and so powerfully that I started to whimper. I got on the floor to try to do some yoga or find a comfortable position, but instead I had to jump in a warm bath. She slowed down a little, but started up again when I got out. I got in bed and was more uncomfortable than ever.

I am not one to ask people to feel my baby kicking because history shows that whatever cool or crazy thing your baby is doing will stop the minute you ask someone to feel it. In the end, I think it just makes Tim think I am a liar, so I especially never ask him to feel. But last night I got him to fling is arm over my belly. He could feel the crazy kicking from his fingers all the way down his arm. He freaked. I felt justified. He said he never felt anything like that from Quinn ... I know!! This is what I have been trying to tell everyone for 6 months. It is crazy.

She just kept kicking and kicking. Where did my nice dull contractions go that got me to a 3? I would do anything to trade in these kicks for those pains.

Thoughts from Mom: 2 weeks 'till lift off

Hi Baby,

When are you coming? I miss you. Quinn is going to think it is all a big joke if you do not come soon. She kinds of gets it, but that could all fall apart if you make us wait much longer.

After they told me I was dilated to a 3, I kind of stopped contracting as much. But you are still moving like crazy. Most of the time I have your back and butt on one side of my belly. I like this because it reminds me that you are a little person, lopsided and real. And so am I. Quinn likes to feel my belly, too. I normally put her hands on my tummy when you are pushing and making it hard in there. She thinks that is funny, and she gives you hugs and kisses.

Quinn already knows that the baby's room is "McKenna's Room." I try to keep her out because that is your space, and I want it to be just right for you. Today I have got to get out your mobile and your swing. But again, I want them to be yours, and the minute I get out that swing, Quinn is going to get all up in it and break it. I guess it is better to get that out of her system now rather than when you are in it, right?

I have been wondering what you will look like. I love a Fellow baby, so if you look just like Quinn and all the rest, that is fine with me. But I picture you will dark hair and a MacAllister spark. I tell people I think you are going to be a mover and a shaker and maybe more strong willed than Quinn, but really I think you'll be an angel. I can't wait to hold you and kiss you.

You should come out. It feels safe here. You are going to like it. Daddy's car broke down yesterday, so you, me and Quinn are stuck here at the house until after you come. Don't tell: but I love it. It feels safe and warm. Knowing that I can't leave or shop or get to a friend's house makes the house feel ready. It makes me feel ready. No more errands. It's time for McKenna now.

I'm not exactly ready. I'm ready for you, that is. But I still don't have a lot of plans for Quinn. I don't have a bag packed. My camera is not charged, and we are running out of milk. But I am just going to sit here most of the day and wait. Join us anytime, my love.

mckennafellow@gmail.com

After reading this post, please send an email to mckennafellow@gmail.com.

A better title for this post is "Baby books and all that crap."

In my last month of pregnancy with Quinn, I spent a lot of time working on her decked-out baby book. I wanted it a certain way. I bought a basic one at the store, cut the pages out, added some of my own, and then put them all in a HUGE three ring binder. A lot got done on the book ... until she came. I have rarely touched it since. But it is still cool.

I also kept a day-by-day calendar for just about every day in her first year of life. That is cool.

But it has always been my intention to keep different keepsakes for each child. I never planned to make that same book for my next baby or buy that same calendar. I figured I could never keep up, so why try?

Instead I want to think of new ways to remember McKenna.

The first thing I have done is started her an email account: mckennafellow@gmail.com.
I have already started to send her emails with my thoughts about her and how I am getting ready. I kept a last month of pregnancy journal in Quinn's baby book, and it is cool. I wanted to record similar thoughts and events for McKenna but in a different way and continue it throughout her first few years.

YOU CAN HELP: I would LOVE for any of you to send McKenna an email over the next few weeks. It can be short and sweet. Anything will do. I just think it would be cool for her to look back when she is older and read about the people who were waiting and caring. You can send her your thoughts about me or her or updates on your life or pictures of you or your kinds. Anything. It would mean a lot to me.

I am also going to invest in a fancy hand and foot print thing. I didn't do this for Quinn, and I really want to tile with a babies imprinted hand, so McKenna it is. I saw a sample at the Doctors office, and I am going for it.

My final keepsake for McKenna will this blog ALL about her. I feel like I never hear enough about people's second child. I often forget these children exist ... even if I really love them. So her blog will be a place for me to record McKenna's stories and day to day life AND a way for people who care to keep up on her. Hint, Hint: I wish my sister would keep a blog like this for Peyton because sometimes I feel so far away.

Anyway, that is it. If you have any other suggestions, let me know. And let's get those emails flowing!! Also, any congratulation emails or emails about McKenna that you send to me, will be forwarded to McKenna's account for safe keeping.

15 months of wishing you were here too

I remember a very strong feeling when I brought Quinn home, "Someone is missing. I'm supposed to have two babies." I think part of what generated this thought was guilt.

From the start of Quinn's life, I was realistic about that fact that there would never be as many pictures or writings or keepsakes for the rest of my babies. I was worried I would never get to experience the first rollover again because I would never really care again. I new I would love my next baby as much, but I just knew it would be different. That really bothered me, and I think it made me wish I had at least my first two babies at once.

I don't have that guilt or that constant feeling anymore. I am just excited to have McKenna join us whenever the time is right.

And I wonder where those thoughts went because I am already excited for McKenna to rolloever. I've got my camera ready.

Avery McKenna

The first story in McKenna's life is about how hard we fought to get her in the first place. Quinn has a similar story, but we really had to work for McKenna.

I wanted to conceive McKenna days after Quinn came home. Of course, I waited, but only a few months. A year later .... no McKenna. I decided not to mess around or wait any longer. I started calling doctor's office and asking for price quotes on different fertility treatments. Man, they really take you seriously when you call with those kinds of questions as opposed to saying, "(Cry, cry) I can't get pregnant." The doctors were rolling out the red carpets for me. I had my pick!

We tried three rounds of IUI. We used Clomid on the 3rd round. After $750, we ran out of money. So on round four we only used the $9 Clomid. That was all it took! We love Clomid and McKenna! Both McKenna and Quinn are constant reminders to use to count our blessings and be grateful for miracles ... even when they are kicking you from the inside or peeing in their beds!

Dilated to a 3

I went to the Midwife office yesterday, and they said I am dilated to about a 3. Great news! At least the pain is doing something.